


The Secrets of the Universe

by beaglesinbowties (Girlblunder)



Series: One shots: It could be canon [9]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 02:44:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlblunder/pseuds/beaglesinbowties
Summary: It started with a kiss that shouldn't have happened, but things that seem simple are often complicated.Expanded ficlet originally posted in the Kalex ficlet collection.





	The Secrets of the Universe

**Author's Note:**

> I originally started writing the follow-up to this at the beginning of the week. Someone made a nice Kalex positivity blog (kalex-corner), and I was moved to ask them what ficlet they'd like to see more of. 
> 
> Unfortunately I'd been having a difficult time these last few weeks so the words weren't being as kind as they've been in the past. Still, I'm glad for the request, and pleased with the final result even if it went differently than I originally anticipated. The original ficlet is in Kara's perspective. The new content is from Alex's, however.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

* * *

Kara straightens as the waitress moves away with their order. She wonders if maybe she’s ordered too much food for a date—double date, she corrects herself–but Alex just winks at her from across the table as if knowing what she’s thinking.

She laughs to herself, garnering a curious look from James.

“What’s so funny?” he asks in a whisper as he leans close to her cheek.

She shifts just slightly away as his warm breath tickles her cheek, oddly uncomfortable at the thought of him kissing her in front of Alex.

“Oh, um, nothing really. You know me.” Her hands fidget for a moment and then she reaches up to tuck some loose hair behind her ear. “So, Maggie, any interesting cases come in this week?”  


Maggie squints, a small smile upturning her lips. “Are you asking as a friend or as a reporter?”

Alex snorts, and Kara kicks her softly under the table. “A friend, of course.” She pauses and purses her lips, feeling a little sheepish. “Well, and maybe a little bit as a reporter?”

“As a _friend_ , this is off the record, of course,” Maggie begins.  


Kara tries her best to stay focused, but she’s oddly aware of the way Maggie reaches out to Alex as the story is told. She isn’t sure why she’s feeling this way—well, except maybe that this double date had been _her_  idea because she simply hadn’t been seeing enough of Alex lately. 

Is it really necessary for Maggie to be so handsy?

“…the audacity to try and tell me that he had diplomatic immunity! Can you believe that?”  


It hits Kara then that she hasn’t heard the last few minutes of Maggie’s monologue, and she’s left smiling awkwardly. “Oh, wow, yeah.”

“I’ll have to remember to try that one,” James interjects with a charming grin, “does Pluto _have_  diplomatic rights?”  


Maggie’s hand disappears under the table as she leans forward. Kara resists the urge to peek through the table for barely half a second.

Her metal chair makes a loud, screeching noise as she abruptly pushes it back. The restaurant, which had been full of chatter and clanking dishes, feels eerily quiet.

“Um, bathroom,” she explains with flaming hot cheeks as she tries to forget how cozy Maggie’s hand seems curled intimately over Alex’s inner thigh.  


She doesn’t wait for anyone’s response, instead ducking her head as she blindly makes her way to the bathroom.

The bathroom is thankfully empty and Kara buries her face in her hands the moment the door shuts behind her.

“What’s wrong with me?” she mutters. Her face still feels like it’s burning, so she stalks over to one of the two sinks.  


Kara breathes carefully in and out, knowing with her emotions so high she’s likely to break something. Gingerly she turns the cold tap on, splashing her face with its coolness in hopes of restoring her equilibrium.

The door squeaks open behind her.

She doesn’t have to look to know it’s Alex.

“Everything alright?”  


Kara can’t look at her sister, instead reaching over to tear off a paper towel to pat her face dry. “Everything…everything’s fine.”

She knows the moment the words escape her lips that Alex won’t believe her.

“Kara…”  


For a moment she thinks maybe it won’t be as bad if she only looks at Alex through the reflection of the mirror. Their eyes meet, and instantly she knows that she was wrong.

“I’m being silly, that’s all.” She tries for a smile. When that fails, she simply shrugs.  


Her heart thunders loudly in her ears as Alex draws closer. She feels the heat from Alex’s body before strong hands settle on her shoulders, only to slide down to cup her biceps.

Alex’s head settles on her shoulder, and it’s like they haven’t been apart for what feels like months, only speaking in passing at the DEO as they go about their lives. Alex isn’t a stranger, she’s…

“Tell me,” Alex insists softly.  


Kara’s throat works as she swallows, and she braces her hands against the sink as she starts to turn.

Her hand finds a patch of water and slips, and Kara has a split second to internally groan at her own clumsiness as she loses her balance.

“Whoa now.”  


Of course, Alex has reached out for her in reflex.

Kara laughs even though she knows the fall wouldn’t have really hurt—but Alex’s arms are around her and her heart is feeling lighter than it has in weeks.

Alex snorts and then chuckles along, squeezing Kara closer and pulling her into a hug. “I’ve missed this,” she admits when Kara’s laughter finally dies down.

And here, safe in the circle of Alex’s arms and with her nose buried against the soft fall of Alex’s hair, Kara can close her eyes and ask for the truth. “Have you? Really? It doesn’t feel like it.”

She grudgingly allows Alex to pull away.

Alex is frowning as she studies Kara’s face. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

Kara looks down and her stomach twists.

A gentle hand finds it’s way to her chin, gently nudging upward until they’re again looking each other in the eye.

Kara searches the familiar hazel before her and answers truthfully. “Yes.”

A ripple of hurt shifts Alex’s expression, only to become one of shame. She doesn’t speak, but her face speaks volumes.

“Alex, I—”  


“No,” Alex says as she shakes her head. “I know I’ve been… distracted. I thought… I thought, well, it was for the best. You’ve got James and I know you meant well, but I can only tag along on so many of your dates before things just settle into eternally awkward. When things took off with Maggie, I thought that’s just the way things are supposed to be.”  


Kara is overwhelmed; the shame is still etched in the deep lines of around Alex’s mouth and across her brow, but it’s hurt that seeps into her words. She wants to tell Alex how the dates with James just weren’t fun without Alex around, but she knows that’s not something she’s supposed to say.

When Alex ducks her head down, her hair tickles Kara’s nose. Kara finds herself turning involuntarily toward its softness and comforting scent.

She can hear Alex’s heart pounding, feel the nervous shift of Alex’s palms against her back. 

Kara tilts her head and brushes her lips across the corner of Alex’s mouth. The most striking thing about the moment isn’t the way Alex’s breathing becomes shaky, or the way tingles are traveling over Kara’s skin in waves. No, instead it’s how _right_  it had felt to lean in, how perfect it had felt to experience the softness of Alex’s lips against her own.

Alex still hasn’t moved other than to watch Kara as if she’s about to reveal the secrets of the universe.

Kara leans in again, her eyes sliding shut as she presses her mouth fully to Alex’s.

Perhaps it does feel like she’s unraveled the secrets of the universe; it’s something long denied, but long wanted, even if Kara’s never had the moment to let herself consider it. Her universe _has_  been Alex from the first moment their eyes had met.

The door squeaks open again but Kara doesn’t care. She pulls Alex closer.

*

“Oh, goodness, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt—” the words, relayed by a stranger’s voice, abruptly end as the door squeaks closed.

The next voice is achingly familiar, though rougher and lower than Alex is used to hearing. “Break up with Maggie.”

Alex’s eyes are squeezed shut and her chest is heaving and she wants oh so very much to just—the words sink in.

Her eyes flutter open and she’s confronted with the fact that, yes, she _had_ just kissed Kara. “What?” 

If she sounds breathless, it’s because she is. She’s never seen Kara look at her this way, crystal blue eyes darkened by dilated pupils that are unerringly focused on her lips.

“Break up with Maggie,” Kara insists quietly.

“Okay.” There is no question that Alex would agree, not when it’s clear exactly what _Kara_ wants. 

Alex’s body sways for a moment. She’s dizzy, unable to think with Kara’s attention still on her mouth and warm hands tugging her hips closer.

“Good,” Kara says, voice hoarse and soft all at once.

For a moment Alex wonders if this Kara is _her_ Kara, this assuredness more reminiscent of the influence of red kryptonite than her sister’s normal charming awkwardness—but then Kara’s cheeks flush and she leans ever slightly backwards.

“Oh jeez, they’re waiting for us.” Kara’s eyes widen. “To have dinner. On our double date.”

Alex swallows and manages to laugh around the lump in her throat. “Yeah.”

A moment later Kara is gently nudging her away, cheeks still flushed as she adjusts her glasses. “So, we should, um, you know…”

Alex tucks her hands into her back pockets and tentatively nods. “Yeah,” she repeats.

Dinner passes in a blur after that. Alex is lost in her head and unable to respond to Maggie, and later that evening at her apartment when she stumbles over the words, she doesn’t quite realize that she’s done it—until the door is slamming and the dazed feeling finally fades.

Kara had kissed her.

She’s just broken up with Maggie.

With some guilt, she realizes the former leaves her too preoccupied to really ruminate over the latter.

That night Alex falls asleep with her hand lightly pressed over her mouth.

***

The next day Alex isn’t sure what to think. Kara hadn’t called her the night before, though that isn’t abnormal. They usually don’t spend much time on the phone with each other, much preferring to speak in person. Before the previous night, they’d already made plans to hang out after work today.

Alex manages to remain functional enough for the hours spent at the DEO to not be the cause of any major catastrophe.

It’s a normal day, she tries to tell herself. It doesn’t help.

For years she hasn’t let herself think about her love life too deeply. Once she’d recognized that dating men just wasn’t for her, she’d never let her thoughts stray far to other possibilities. Her mind had wandered only briefly, dangerously, to the _other_ option, but she had quickly found alternative ways to divert herself. It hadn’t worked well, leading to a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings that she’d tried to drown in abundant amounts of alcohol.

Eventually, she’d been able to find a happy medium that didn’t require her to consume small fortunes’ worth of liquor.

Then Maggie had come along, and Alex’s reactions to her had been a comfort. Safe and exciting all at once. Real—and for someone far different from the woman Alex has done her best to keep compartmentalized away in her head. Kara has been held firmly to the little boxes in Alex’s brain labeled ‘sister’ and ‘best friend’ for years.

Until the kisses.

Alex paces in a small circle around Kara’s apartment, silently urging Kara home. She feels like she’ll go crazy if left alone with her thoughts.

Then the door opens, a pungent whiff of Thai food accompanying Kara inside. Alex freezes mid-pace, heart pounding wildly in her chest.

“Hey,” Kara says with a beatific smile as she strides over to set the food down on the coffee table.

Alex swallows and tucks her hands into her back pockets. “Hey.” She tries for nonchalant but isn’t sure if it works.

Kara seems calm and collected—at least until Alex notices the way her hands jitter as she begins arranging the cardboard containers.

The sight bolsters Alex. “I broke up with Maggie.”

“You did?” Kara stops fidgeting with the food, eyes wide as she slowly straightens.

Alex licks her lips. “Yes.”

Kara sweeps forward and pulls her close. “That was fast.”

The words are a low whisper but as Kara squeezes her close, Alex knows she’s done the right thing. She isn’t sure if she’s disappointed at not receiving a kiss, but then she sinks into the hug and absorbs Kara’s presence.

She’s always loved Kara’s hugs.

“I haven’t broken up with James yet,” Kara admits shyly as she pulls just slightly back. “He was so happy last night, and he just had the _worst_ week.”

Alex grits her teeth very briefly and then relaxes. She knows how difficult certain things are for Kara. “You _are_ going to break up with him, right?”

 _You kissed **me**_ , she wants to remind Kara. _You’re the one that changed things._

She swallows the words down. Kara must be at least half as scared as she is about what this means for them and for everyone else in their lives.

Kara interrupts her thoughts by cupping her cheek and leaning their heads together. “Yes. I didn’t know, I had no idea—you… I,” Kara purses her lips together and squeezes her eyes shut. “I love you more than anyone, Alex.”

Alex closes her eyes and nods, cupping the hand on her cheek and letting Kara’s presence relax her the way it always does. She knows this means no more kissing or anything else for the time being, but Alex is fine with that. She knows how Kara feels. That’s enough.

“We should finishing setting up. There’s lots of shows to catch up on and I don’t want the food to get cold,” she says as she tugs Kara’s hand from her face and steps backward. She doesn’t let go at first, instead tangling their fingers together and squeezing lightly.

Kara beams. “Yeah.”

They snuggle together the same way they do every sister night, but as familiar as it is, it’s equally exhilarating. 

Alex has never felt so happy, she realizes later as she adjusts her arm around Kara’s shoulder.

***

Days pass and slip into weeks. Alex’s happiness and ease begin eroding.

She doesn’t have to ask if Kara’s broken up with James yet. Their time together is always interrupted with little reminders of his romantic presence in Kara’s life, as evidenced by the way Kara’s cheeks flush every time she gets a text or awkwardly relays an anecdote about her day.

As the month anniversary of the double date that irreparably changed her world approaches, Alex realizes that perhaps the kisses had been a fluke on Kara’s part. The realization makes her chest ache and feel hollow at the same time, but there’s nothing she can do about that.

She won’t cling and beg and make a mess of Kara’s life. That’s not how she operates.

When a week-long assignment to eastern Europe comes up, Alex volunteers. She plans to tell Kara before she’s shuffled off to the stealth jet that’ll drop her and her team near the rendezvous point they’re set to meet their contact abroad, but Kara doesn’t answer her phone.

‘ _Sorry,_ ’ comes the text a moment later, ‘ _having dinner with James’s mom_.’

Alex grits her teeth and doesn’t respond. She takes a breath and deposits her phone into her locker. She can’t bring it where she’s going, and maybe that’s a good thing. A week away from Kara is just what she needs to clear her head. She just needs to put these stupid feelings back away to where they should have never been unearthed from.

 _I love you more than anyone, Alex_ , comes the memory. She smiles grimly. Kara had never said she didn’t love James, too.

Though it stings, Kara’s made her choice. Alex wouldn’t be surprised if it weren’t for that first stupid kiss.

She grips her black duffle bag and turns to face her team. “Let’s move. We’re only authorized for a week and it won’t be easy to locate and assess our target.”

“Yes ma’am,” the group of five agents say in near-perfect unison.

Alex nods and leads the way aboard the jet.

***

Ten days later Alex stumbles into her apartment, tired and sore. The mission had been FUBAR from the moment their boots had touched the ground, but she and her team had managed to escape relatively unscathed. They hadn’t captured the alien they’d been after, but Alex considers the mission a win since she’d returned with the same amount of agents she’d left with.

As she stumbles over to the couch and flops down on it, she considers turning her phone on.

She chickens out before her thumb can settle against the power button. After the mission she’d just endured, she deserves a break, she reasons.

Comfortable back in familiar surroundings, her eyes begin to droop shut. She doesn’t bother trying to fight the pull of sleep.

Something wakes her an indeterminate amount of time later, her body rolling automatically from the safety of the couch as her hand blindly grips for the gun strapped to the underside of the end table.

She blinks as her hand settles around the grip, finally fully alert. “Kara?”

The apartment isn’t dark anymore. 

Kara is standing stiffly in the kitchen with her arms crossed, the light from the overhead lights making her stony expression seem all the more intimidating. If it weren’t for her stance and expression, Kara might seem approachable in soft ragged jeans and baby blue v-neck, her glasses absent.

“Alex.” The word is said slowly, carefully—and full of anger.

“Kara,” Alex returns in a sleep-roughened voice. She releases her grip on the gun and slumps back down on her couch. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? That’s all you have to say?” Kara’s nostrils flare. A second later she’s stalking brusquely around the kitchen island toward Alex. “You were gone over a _week_ and you didn’t say _anything_ to me!”

Alex scowls, her own anger stirring as Kara looms before her. She tamps it down before it can get out of control. “I tried to call you. You were _busy_.” She winces at the unintentional emphasis on the last word. She wants to seem neutral.

A furrow appears between Kara’s eyebrows as she thinks. “Why didn’t you just leave a message?”

Weariness seeps back into Alex as if she’d never managed a nap. She rubs a hand over her face. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I just want to sleep.”

Distracted, Kara squints as she continues to try to remember. “I don’t—oh.”

Alex’s lips twitch into a grimace before relaxing. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go crash now.”

She rolls a little to the side to avoid touching Kara as she stands, tugging one hand through her hair and ignoring her sister as much as possible. She doesn’t want to catch up, doesn’t want to know what Kara’s been up to while she’s been away.

With all the trouble on the mission, Alex hadn’t been able to contemplate her situation as much as she’d hoped. Well, no, that’s a lie. There’d been plenty of downtime as she and her team had huddled together waiting, hiding… Alex just hadn’t been able to accomplish what she’d set out to do.

During the brief moments when she’d allowed herself to truly be scared, she’d turned to thoughts and memories of Kara. And the kisses.

All through the return trip home and the debriefing that had followed, it had made her stomach upset. Things certainly hadn’t gotten better in her head like she’d needed.

“Alex…”

Kara’s pleading tone makes Alex stop at the threshold to her room, her hands balled into fists. She turns her head so she can just see Kara in the periphery of her vision. “It’s fine, Kara. I understand.”

There’s an air of finality in her voice. She straightens her shoulders and continues into her room. Perhaps a different Alex Danvers would supplicate herself before Kara, implore her for any extra scrap of consideration or emotion Kara could manage, but _this_ Alex doesn’t have it in her.

All she wants to do is sleep and forget that Kara has ever been anything other than her sister. 

She knows the moment Kara leaves, can almost feel the lack of the vibrant presence that is Kara like a physical sensation.

Alex breathes out a pained sigh and settles down under the covers of her bed. She daydreams of better years, of two giddy teenagers sneaking out to fly into the vast darkness of the night feeling as if they could pluck stars from the sky like ripe fruit.

***

Sometime later, as Alex is finally drifting off into a fitful sleep, light tapping against her bedroom window has her jerking awake. She’s not as startled this time, but she frowns as she sits up and flicks her bedside lamp on.

Even with her curtains drawn, she can see the shape of the figure outside. She contemplates ignoring the sound, the presence, but as always she finds herself unable to totally shut Kara out.

“What?” she asks with a tired sigh as she pushes the window open.

Before Kara can respond, Alex is jerking her inside with a scowl. Kara is still in the same clothes from earlier. “You can’t fly around dressed like that!” Alex hisses out of habit.

Kara fidgets and ducks her head down. “Sorry.”

Realizing she still has a grip on Kara’s shirt, Alex suddenly releases Kara and takes several steps back. She wants to ask what Kara is doing here. Again.

“I broke up with James,” Kara says in shaking voice before she can ask. “I’m so sorry.”

Alex can only stare. “You broke up with James? When?”

“Tonight. A little while ago, after I left.”

“Oh.” Alex frowns. Her throat feels tight. “You broke up with him in the middle of the night?”

“Yes.” Kara’s fidgeting increases. “Yes,” she repeats in a firmer voice as she finally looks up at Alex. “I put it off for too long. I was scared. I didn’t want to hurt anyone but there was never going to be a _right_ time. I ended up hurting you.”

Alex crosses her arms and looks away. Kara isn’t wrong, but Alex can’t bear to admit that out loud. Silence lingers, the tension becoming almost tangible the longer Alex remains incapable of speech.

Kara has finally broken up with James. Alex thought she’d feel elated; instead, she feels numb. Had Kara even really _wanted_ to break things off with him?

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” Alex manages around stiff lips, “no matter what happens, I’ll always be your sister.”

For a long minute, Kara stops moving altogether. Alex watches dispassionately as her throat works.

“You know about Kryptonian technology. You’ve studied as many artifacts as you can get your hands on, but have you ever seen one of these?”

Alex blinks at the non-sequitur and focuses on the necklace now dangling from Kara’s raised hand. She squints. The silvery metal of the chain could be anything, but the white crystal pendant dangling from the end looks like a miniature version of the larger crystals that store information and consciousnesses of Kryptonians.

“Not one of _those_ , no,” she responds carefully.

Kara nods and licks her lips. “I got this from Clark’s Fortress. He had a few but didn’t know what they were.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “These are a more primitive version of the crystals you’ve seen before. The things they store are… different.”

As she speaks, Kara takes the crystal up in her other hand, holding it with the tips of her fingers and bringing it closer for Alex to see. “These store _feelings_ , for the lack of a better word. Take this, please.”

Alex’s hands tremble indecisively.

Kara reaches out and delicately takes one into her own, turning it palm up so she can deposit the necklace into Alex’s still-shaking hand.

“On one side there’s an etching. Rub it with your thumb, please.”

For several long heartbeats, Alex remains fixated on Kara’s face. There’s fear and hope and… Alex blinks away and focuses on the crystal. Her thumb moves before she can second guess herself.

Her breath catches as warmth spreads from the crystal to the rest of her body. Her eyelids slide shut. She feels safe and comfortable, but more sensations begin to wash through her. There’s an almost painful ache growing in her chest and butterflies in her stomach and then—her cheeks flush—there’s the tingling, sparking sense of _want_ that settles deep into her core.

The crystal cools against her skin and then she’s suddenly aware of where Kara’s hand still cradles hers, Kara’s thumb caressing the fine bones of her wrist in gentle sweeps.

“That’s how I feel about you, Alex. Only you. Please, just… I’m sorry I waited so long. You are _everything_ to me.”

Alex wants to say so much but her tongue feels clumsy and sound refuses to escape her throat.

A smile blossoms on Kara’s face, her attention solely focused on Alex. “If you accept this, it means you agree to formally court me.”

Her blue eyes appear to dance in the low light of the room. Alex wonders fleetingly if the crystal has somehow activated again.

The right words still won’t come, but Alex raises the necklace up and releases the clasp. “Help me put it on?”

Kara hurries to comply, and it feels like a small eternity as Kara’s hands work behind her neck.

Goosebumps ripple over her skin as a kiss is pressed to her nape, and then it doesn’t matter that Alex can’t seem to find the right words because she’s turning and pressing her lips to Kara’s. The kiss is heady, causing Alex to again close her eyes.

As Kara’s mouth moves against her own, Alex can, for a moment, see a vast array of stars looming before them. She doesn’t wonder about years gone by and worry about sharing the light of fading stars long extinguished, but instead is dizzy with the infinite possibilities that have been created with the coalescence of Kara’s being into hers.


End file.
